Self-Love around Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day can bring up a mix of feelings with its romanticized notions of love, partnerships, and companionship. It tends to emphasize the importance of external aspects while sidelining the importance of self-love. Sometimes, it even reinforces toxic and outdated beliefs, especially for women, that our worth is contingent on our relationship status. In her book, Daring Greatly, Brené Brown writes “If we want to fully experience love and belonging, we must believe that we are worthy of love and belonging.” This idea that our experience of love and belonging hinges on our oldest relationship, our relationship with self, raises the question that many of my clients grapple in session with – how exactly do I love myself? Although self-love can be abstract and difficult to convey in words, it is comprised of three critical parts – self acceptance, self-compassion, and self-care.

Self-Acceptance

Self-acceptance involves embracing every facet of yourself, even the parts of yourself that you don’t like. It is a radical act of allowing and observing, while letting go of the urge to judge or evaluate yourself. It is the process of granting yourself the freedom and autonomy to be authentically you.

Self-Compassion

Self-compassion is treating yourself the way you would an old friend – with kindness, empathy, and warmth. It involves acknowledging the duality in the grace we extend to others and harshness and criticism we reserve for ourselves.

Self-Care

Self-care is the external manifestation of self-love. It is the active demonstration of our commitment and love for ourselves. I frequently remind clients that mood does not have to dictate behavior. I encourage them to embrace acts of self-care as a powerful practice that can precede their internal understanding and commitment to self-love.

Ultimately, practicing self-acceptance, self-compassion, and self-care is an ongoing journey that requires patience and dedication. It’s about tapping into a deep sense of love and respect for yourself, and recognizing you are worthy simply by virtue of being human. This Valentine’s Day I encourage you to honor and cherish the most important relational of all – the one you have with yourself.